Why You’re Not Failing at Healthy Living: You’re Just Following the Wrong Rules

Jemma Billings

If you’re managing a career, a household, and a never-ending to-do list, this post is for you.

You want to eat better. Move more. Feel brighter. But somehow, despite all the good intentions and knowledge, it just doesn’t happen. And when it doesn’t, the guilt creeps in.

“Why do I know what’s good for me-but still not do it?”

You’re not alone. And you’re not failing. You’re just following rules that were never designed for your life.

Let’s explore what’s really holding you back-and how you can start moving forward with compassion, clarity, and confidence.

🧠 The Brain’s Bias Toward Familiarity

Your brain is brilliant-but it’s wired for survival, not self-care.

  • Mental Shortcuts – Sayings like “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” or “Healthy food is too expensive” act as protective scripts. They help you avoid discomfort, decision fatigue, or the vulnerability of change.
  • Stress Response – When you’re overwhelmed, your brain defaults to what feels easy-even if it’s not helpful.
  • Avoidance as Safety – These phrases can be shields, helping you avoid guilt, shame, or fear of failure.

🌍 Society’s Scripts: Who Benefits?

Many of the messages we repeat didn’t come from us-they were handed down, marketed, or modelled.

  • Productivity Culture – We’re taught that rest is lazy, cooking is a luxury, and being “too busy” is a badge of honour.
  • Cultural Expectations – Phrases like “Real women do it all” or “I can’t plan meals” reflect deeper societal norms around gender, independence, and identity.
  • Fear of Being Different – Choosing self-care can feel like stepping outside the norm. And that can be scary.

🧩 The Deeper Layers: Identity, Safety & Self-Worth

Sometimes, it’s not just about time or money—it’s about how we see ourselves.

  • Internalised Beliefs – If you’ve grown up hearing that taking care of yourself is selfish or weak, you may unconsciously resist it.
  • Fear of Change – Even positive change can feel threatening. Your nervous system craves predictability-even if that predictability is burnout.
  • Belonging vs. Thriving – You may fear that prioritising your health will make you “different” from your peers, family, or community.

💡 So What Can We Do?

Awareness is the first step. Here’s how we can start shifting the script:

| Instead of... | Try this... | Why it helps | | ------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------- | ------------------------------------------------ | | “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” | “Rest helps me live fully now” | Validates rest as essential | | “Healthy food is too expensive” | “I’m exploring affordable ways to eat well” | Opens the door to creativity and resourcefulness | | “I don’t have time to cook” | “I’m learning to make time for what nourishes me” | Reframes the task as self-worth | | “I’ll start Monday” | “I’ll start with one small thing today” | Reduces pressure and builds momentum | | Skipping meals when stressed | Prepping a simple, nourishing snack | Supports calm and stable energy | | Criticising yourself | Practising self-compassion | Builds resilience and motivation |

Even one small shift—like prepping a snack or going to bed 15 minutes earlier can start to rewire your brain and beliefs.

🌿 Realistic Nutrition for Real Life

Here’s the truth: nutrition and lifestyle should support your life-not compete with it.

If all you can manage this week is one extra apple and a 15-minute walk at lunchtime twice, celebrate that. That’s progress. That’s self-care. And that’s enough.

You don’t need to run marathons or cook gourmet meals every night. You need a system that works for your lifestyle, your budget, and your energy. That’s where nutritional coaching can help-by creating a personalised, sustainable plan that fits your real life.

📋 Simple tools like a Free weekly menu plan and shopping list can reduce stress and help you stay consistent-without the overwhelm.

🧠 Food for Thought

These sayings aren’t just words-they’re reflections of deeper fears, habits, and cultural norms. But they’re not the truth.

  • You are allowed to rest
  • You are allowed to eat well
  • You are allowed to care for yourself without apology
  • And you don’t have to do it alone.

💬 Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

What’s one saying you’ve caught yourself using-and what new phrase could you try instead? Share it in the comments or tag me on Instagram. I’d love to hear how you’re rewriting your story.

And if you’re ready to explore how nutrition, mindset, and self-worth intersect, book your free 15-minute consultation. Let’s talk about how I can support your journey.

📚 Further reading:
>Chronic stress increases reliance on habitual behaviours—even unhealthy ones (American psychologial association)

> 📚 Social norms often influence health behaviours more than knowledge alone (World Health Organization)

> 📚 People often resist health changes not because they don’t care—but because they fear social disconnection (University of Michigan)